serenayye on Xanga

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I will post photos from various Deviantartists at the start of most of my blog posts. I do take note note of the artists' copyright restrictions and therefore, will not use images that are prohibited to be used. I also put references, so if you mouse over the image you should be able to see the website I got it from. However, Photobucket refuses to allow me to do so occasionally.

If you would like me to remove any artwork of yours from my blog, please do not hesitate to contact me. But do keep in mind, I am actually advertising your artwork on my blog, like it or not ;) P.S./ Forgive the big banner of notice here. Xanga refuses to let me post this on the side bar. -.-ll

Large Lung Capacity

Saturday, 14 November 2009

Update

Not much has been going on.. This chapter is about to come to a close and I smell change... Big changes next year.

Yesterday night was one of those nights when I did nothing but sat on my bed and think. I think - I think too much - about my future, where I wanna be, who will be by my side etc. I let my imagination run wild and try to envision how my life will unfurl. I once read a book Necropolis by Anthony Horowitz and in this book Matt, the protagonist, found himself in a library and in the library contained books of everyone's life. He found his sitting peacefully on a bookshelf. In that book contained everything about his life - his past, present and future... things to come, the inevitable that awaits him.

Just the thought of it makes me dizzy. And nothing really makes me dizzy, except when I go on a diet (or try to). This thing called fate also has been in my mind for quite some time now. Is there even such a thing as fate?

... I could go on, but I value my mental health.

Things could really be simple if you want it to be. I've come to realise faith overpowers wisdom and knowledge. One could know everything and yet understand nothing.

Actually all I wanted to say is - I'm really dreading next year.

And I have so much to blog about.. But I don't have a lot of free time. Even if I did, I wouldn't find sitting in front of a computer a great way to get fit and discover life.

Perhaps now is a good time to demonstrate my faith in God. Submitting all I am into His hands. I've said I trust Him a million times. Well, now's the time to prove it.

Change, huh? Bring it on.

Saturday, 07 November 2009

My Heart's King

Come to think of it.. I've been a bit of a whinger this week. Sure, crap happens but I shouldn't be moping about. Kinda ashamed now. I'm doing worship today and one song that really touched me was this:

No Other Gods

I will have no other gods before You,
Only You will reign as my heart's king,
I will have no other gods before You,
I will put You first in everything

With all my heart,
With all my soul,
With all my might,
I worship you

Really simple song. Simple melody too. But God's eye is on the sparrow.

Thursday, 05 November 2009

Currently
I Believe There Is More
By Don Moen
see related
Bad Day

Such an understatement. This week has been absolutely horrible so far. Unsurprising though. Pre-exam block is almost always like that. But it's not just the workload. Been really discouraged these few days and the burning hot weather has made me more snappy with people than usual.

Ever had days when you just wanna do nothing but curl up at home and sleep?

Yeah. That's exactly what I wanna do right now.

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Most Importantly...

I realised I've been blogging about so many random things I've forgotten what is most important to me...

God.

It's always like that. I go off on my own when things are good. I put God last whenever everything's going well for me. I'd always think I have so much and life's just too good right now for God to be any more important.

And it's always when I reach the end, do I find it's all meaningless. The pleasures they have once presented have long been used up and everything in life has yet again presented itself grey.

And then I sit back and look around. I find I've fallen so far away from God. Prayer and bible readings become so alien and unusual to me, I begin to feel a little silly. When I pray, there is no longer peace, no longer reassurance.

These weeks have been rough. I want to praise God for these things.

1. Protection.
2. Health. (Recently, there has been a lot of people close to my family that have gotten some form of cancer. Also, fevers and colds affecting quite a number of people in my school)
3. Family. God works financial crisis as a blessing in ways we cannot imagine.
4. Friends. Those who are always there sticking up for me. Thanks.
5. Food. (It's a big part of my life if you haven't already noticed.)
6. School. However much I hate QACI, I know I'm very priviledged to be here.
7. People who have kept me and my family in their prayers. Thanks so much.

Above all, I want to thank God for His love... Never-ending, unchanging. His hands are there to catch me when I fall. And I know even when all else disappoints me, God will always be there... cheering me on till the day I finish the race.

His grace is enough, His grace is enough.

Saturday, 24 October 2009

Brave Young Man

This touched my heart today. It's great to know that somewhere in this world there are brave and wonderful people refusing to back down from whatever life throws at them.

Read it here & here (updated version).

Thursday, 22 October 2009

...

I haven't got anything smart to say.. No particular topic. I just want to blog for the hell of it. Doesn't this happen every time... Off to a great start, but somewhere in between, I lose track of what I'm doing. Not sure where I'm heading too. Grace will be leaving QACI next year and............

Things just keep changing since the start of this year. When will it ever stop? Everything just keeps evolving, redefining itself and dragging everyone else along with it. How I wish things will stay constant for just a while. But how much I want a change because of my inner staleness I can't begin to tell you...

Some people search the world to find love, others just sit on their bums as love stands outside their doors.

Lucky bastards. That doesn't happen to me at all, does it. They were right, I really have horrible taste in men. I'm attracted to the very ones who don't appreciate me. I care so much about the wrong people.

Grace is leaving... I found out on Saturday. I still can't get over it. She has got to finish the race with us right? She got to be in the scrapbook we talked about right? She's got to spend the last 2 years of high school with us right...?

Argh, this is doing my head in. Not sure if I should go to CiA tmr, I should be going to aspire.. which is an award night. I'm not receiving any awards. If there's any award I should receive, it would be for the extensive amount of games I play in class. ... I might go to support Tammy and the others. Or I'll just stay at home and do nothing. Maybe I need some time away from everyone, everything...

Man, I really did think you cared. I really thought we..........

Monday, 19 October 2009

Intelligence is overrated..?

These days I've been asking myself this question - is it necessary to be smart for a young woman?

Somehow I've come to a conclusion that no, it is not necessary - although, desirable. Perhaps my conclusion has been influenced by my asian background and the general asian trend. But I think it's quite universal. Men don't look for smartness. They care more about the tits and the asses.

It's not outrageous. If you saw professor at Harvard who's fat (or, okay, big) walking in front of you, would you immediately think - "Oh boy, I love her wit and intelligence. Her acute understanding of quantum physics drives me crazy." More likely, you'd look at Adriana Lima and go "Oh crap, I jizzed in my pants." Or maybe, if you're asian, you'd look at a small, doe-eyed, sweet little girl and be all, "Oh man, love that girl. She'll make a good housewife."

Let's look at the asian side of things.

Now, if you're like me - loud, stubborn and someone who speaks her mind, I doubt you'd be able to find general popularity among asian boys. Why? Simply because asia is still a place where males hold a strong domination. We're still very traditional, whether we like to admit it or not, and we prefer our women to take on the role of a submissive, obedient and weak females. This is a stereotype, of course. And just to clarify things, I'm not a feminist - I don't burn my bras - and I definitely hold a strong belief in certain traditions, which, while some can be challenged for growth and creative development, others still hold much importance in the general structure and working systems of the society. So where was I? Yes, strong domination. It's hard to put it in statistics but if you were to spend a considerable amount of time in asia, you'd find many males prefer soft spoken, dependent and 'cute' girls - hence the korean/tawianese dramas you see with all the female protagnists as sweet, innocent 16-year-olds so naively in love with their 'oopas', or male seniors.

It's all a bit sad to me.

Let's look at the 'white' side of things.

It seems to me caucasian boys are more attracted to independent and sporty girls. Sometimes, they even like girls with an attitude. They also prefer 'hot' girls over 'cute' girls - or at least generally. I don't have much to comment on, because I'm not white. But, I think the reason behind this might be because of the openness of the western society and the early development of education and gender equality for the females in their society.

This post is pretty lame. I haven't even made a statement. Anyway, my point is, it seems like in this society, looks do matter more than intelligence. It's hard to accept and not so attractive people do get married but in general, pretty girls do get the upper hand - as compared to smart girls. I used to not be able to accept women who go for plastic surgery, but now as I come to think of it, if they are someone who's gifted in the head but less blessed on the face, they would feel a little under-appreciated and naturally opt for surgery. It's their choice anyway. As for me, I don't think I'm beautiful, but I would never consider altering my face because my man's gotta love me for who I am, if he doesn't enjoy my face then that's too bad - he can deal with it.

To conclude, I'd like to say, yes, pretty girls are more advantaged - but it will have to depend on what sort of advantages you're looking at and how long it lasts. Just having a nice-to-look-at face without real substance will just about last you till your late 20s. I also believe if you have a beautiful soul and a kind heart, it will shine through, and you will be beautiful anyway. So don't worry about how you look like or fuss too much about your hair, because you're like a catapiller and in time, you'll grow into a beautiful butterfly and someone will see that beauty in you.

Tata!

Saturday, 17 October 2009

Currently
Vocalate : 6th Album [Digipack] [Mnet Media] [Korea 2009]
눈물 쏟고 또 쏟고
see related
A New Day

I've been thinking a lot about everything for the past few days. I realised I've lingered in one place for too long. Even if I did like it, and even if I thought what could happen was possible, it's about time I take my leave.

I once dreamed of us growing old together and spend our days under the trees. But I could never be the girl you want me to be.

I did try.. I really did give it a go. But that's not who I am and I doubt that'll ever be me.

Time passes so fast...

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Korean Wave

Recently, I've been listening to a lot of korean music (thanks to Grace). Call me slow, but I'm now a fan of these korean artists.

1. Ga-In (From Brown Eyed Girls)

I once got asked who I'd turn gay for. I said I don't know because I'm fully straight. But I've got my answer now. I don't just like her face. I like her aggressiveness and personality too. Without make up she isn't stunning, but her charm is something that can't be replaced easily. Now that's sexy.

Watch Brown Eyed Girls' new hit single 'Adacrdabra'. Man, it's so much better than SNSD and their try-hard 'Genie' song. Not sexy at all. They should learn from BEG.

Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEGAwJTgyg0

2. T.O.P (From Big Bang)

That is one sexy beast. His eyes are narrow - which isn't the conventional form of beauty (asian-wise) but damn, are they powerful. So deep. I like. But above all, it's his voice that gives me a nosebleed. Too hawt.

Listen to this. The single from their latest album. If you're not sure about who sings what then just listen till you hear a really deep voice rapping. That's T.O.P.

Watch it here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdavzP_-3L0

3. Sooyoung (From SNSD)

She's the only one from SNSD that I like. The rest are all try hards. Instead of giving all their might in winking at the camera and giggle non stop like a retard, this girl is natural and different. And really hilarious as well. Did you know her name means swimming? I really appreciate how she doesn't make herself retarded in front of the camera just because the band is meant to be pretty much brainless. It's just sad how the general asian public likes to watch dumb girls run around and twirl their hair. It's not that I have no sense of humour. I like brainless, slapstick stuff too. But not plain, flat-out stupid. Whatever happened to witty and smart girls on TV?

Anyway, that's all. While I'm given a pleasant surprise by the korean music industry, I'm still pretty disappointed with the asian music scene. Lack of individuality, lack of style, lack of substance.

Alrighty, I'll end here. Tata!

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Don't write me off just yet...

As I type in this weather of gloom and dark clouds, it has been made more apparent to me than ever that each and every one of us are so broken in so many ways...

Have you lost a friend? Have you promised friendship, understanding and trust but lost it halfway during the journey? Have you chosen proof over faith?

Have you ever written someone off because your selfishness and lack of trust?

I have.

Flawed, she is. Flawed we all are, but I let my hand go when I could've pulled her on board. Now what links us together is a wall of silence and bitterness.

I want to know who you are. I want to know who I am. I want to know where we stand.

There is a story behind every action. I want to hear that story. I'm interested to know who is that girl behind that mask. Acceptance. We all need acceptance. But do we value acceptance over truth? Is it more worth it to be loved for who you're not than be rejected for who you are?

Who taught us these things? Who set these rules? Can one find meaning in pretense..?

It's not what it used to be. But used to bes will never be. We all make mistakes, but victorious is the one who looks on towards a brand new day and a brand new start. I won't write you off. I promised and I'll keep true my promise. I will be your friend.